By A. P. Rilfool In and outside California, strange things are occurring in the energy industry. There are the natural disasters but also odd life forms and happenings. That includes gribbles being exploited for future fuels; satellite photos that can not only determine whether your spouse is cheating, but whether your roof qualifies for a solar panel; and some senators who feel the “right to choose” is not about women’s bodies, but about the fate of pro (long) life bulbs. This week’s energy devolvements demonstrate that fact is stranger than fiction, particularly in California. Flipping the distinction, policy maneuvers the first week of April include: New CPUC members quit in protest over “smart” meter protests--Mark Ferron and Catherine Sandoval, two recent appointees to the California Public Utilities Commission, hastily resigned this week after being subjected to over three hours of anti-digital meter public comments. Each expressed a different reason for walking away. “I suddenly realized that we were all part of the UN-led global conspiracy to take away privacy rights,” said Sandoval. She agreed with the numerous privacy concerns expressed by protestors--be it a digitized meter’s revelation of when and how often you turn on the blender to make Margaritas, or go to the beach after calling in sick. She announced April 1 that she will return to academia and write a book on the United Nation’s Agenda 21 threat to personal liberties. Ferron, the Silicon Valley executive and newest appointee, was frustrated that all agency business is being superseded by the anti-meter brigade. “It’s nothing less than a ‘denial of service attack’ on regulatory authority,” he said. It’s like a banker trying to do business after a run on the bank by panicking people, he opined. “How can we get anything done?” Contacted to see if he was considering quitting, too, Mike Florio laughed. “And go back to filling out intervenor compensation forms? Are you kidding? I just practice my mantra while they talk.” On a related note, two CPUC sign language interpreters have gone on permanent disability after suffering breakdowns from trying to express all the emotional testimony about “smart” meter concerns. Governor Brown changes surname and curname--Not only is the 33 percent renewables bill the law, the governor is personally upping than ante. The state chief announced he will henceforth be known as Gov. Green, indicating moving from brown energy to renewables. His four-legged mascot’s legal name was also changed. The First Pooch is now Sutter Green. He promises to dye the brown Corgi’s fur next St. Patty’s Day. One Capitol insider urged Brown to go further than a surname change, suggesting a first-name change to “Verry” so he’ll be forever known not as Jerry but “Verry Green.” Only one on the Republican side of the aisle cheered the name change. That was former Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. As a politician who attempted the green technology mantel, Schwarzenegger too wants a name change. “Schwarzengrun” just doesn’t have the same cachet--particularly now that he’s out of the Sacramento “lime” light (a shade of green). Charlie Sheen nominated for California Energy Commission vacancy--Feeling a need to jumpstart the heavily bureaucratic commission, Gov. Brown appointed now-unemployed actor Charlie Sheen to the vacant seat this week. Brown cited Sheen’s ability to stir up energy around political policy, although admitted Sheen is “not a team player.” Sheen, in response, vowed to move the commission to new highs. “I don’t have time for these clowns,” Sheen said, referring to lawmakers who threaten to take away $20 million from the commission’s grant budget and loan it to the general fund. “Look what I’m dealing with man. I’m dealing with fools and trolls,” said Sheen. --A.P. is a nom de satire for Current staff & Arthur O’Donnell (energyoverseer.com) Edited By:
